I’m usually a silver linings kind of girl. Really, I am. I also prefer to be happy. Doesn’t mean I don’t get angry, sad, frustrated, irritated or disappointed, I just prefer to get through that quickly and get back to happy. So, I often look for the silver linings.
When it comes to death, I usually try to find the “positive” things that are a result of said death. Like Aunt Betsy isn’t in pain anymore or Uncle Jack lived a long 93 years and had a great life. Or Jeremy wouldn’t have wanted to be on hospice so it’s good for him he went quickly. You had a chance to say goodbye to Aunt Janet, that’s really important. Etc.
What I know now is that these sentiments don’t always work or apply or you just don’t feel like looking for the bright side. It happens. It’s okay. I do think it’s better to not unpack your bags and move in to this spot, that eventually you have to move, even extremely slowly, forward.
I also know that depending on your relationship and closeness to the person who died, you may very well not know how to move forward like you used to. I know that it is extremely possible that you will be a different person, not exactly the same “you”. That is okay. YOUR people will still love you, they will get to know the new you. It is okay to be changed by this trauma that has happened to you. Keep moving forward, slowly.
I started out not wanting to find the silver lining. I couldn’t think of anything positive. F*$K Cancer was about all I had. However, even this time there is a silver lining so to speak. My friend died and left me new friends, her friends. Somehow they knew, she knew, God knew, the Universe knew…..and my new friends reached out to me and I felt not alone. I hope to meet them all some day, but even if I don’t, I know they are there and we share an extremely strong common bond. We all loved her and she loved us. For that we are so lucky.
So, I end with a little Monty Python “Always look on the bright side of life.” Easier said than done sometimes. But always worth a try.